everything below is written with complete honesty.

An Eternity, Just Like Before

I’ve always been alone. Only difference now is that I no longer have a choice in the matter. The loneliness, the silence, the mind-numbing boredom; I was well-adjusted to all that and more before I started this. My ‘free range incarceration’ as I have come to call it.
Before… before what happened… I lived with my aging grandfather in a small apartment in the smallest town, surrounded by crop fields as far as the eye can see. I would have loved to get out and meet people or go to an event but my obligations were to my grandfather. And as for my grandfather himself, he was a great man but the years had taken their toll. It wasn’t his fault that he wasn’t a good conversation or activity partner. It wasn’t his fault for anything.
If I were to be honest, I wouldn’t even know what to do if I did have someone to share in my immortality. Before, I quickly and effortlessly drove away the few who did move beyond small talk with me. I can’t imagine what I could do with an eternity to push someone away.

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It was after I had gotten Grandpa safely to bed.  My normal routine is once he’s comfortable is to turn the TV off, make some tea and play some online poker with either Pandora or a podcast playing in the background.  I know it’s strange but I find trying to win pots in poker to be very relaxing.

This time I decided to play the newest Non-Prophets.  I was doing well on the ring games so I decided to try some sit-and-go action.  When I started learning to play, sit-and-gos were almost the only thing I played and I now consider them to be one of my strong suites.  These micro-tournaments Begin once a set number of players have registered (usually 6-32) and everyone plays until they bust out; the last one with all the chips wins all the registration fees.  Usually ring games are more profitable but if you want to learn how to play a full tournament, where the real money is, there’s almost nothing better than sit-and-gos.

Getting back on topic, I first registered on one of the big 32-man game.  But it had only a couple of people signed up so I thought I’d waste the time at a low buy-in 6-man table.  I think I must have forgotten how fast the 32-man games fill up because they both managed to start at exactly the same time!  I know professional poker players pride themselves on memorizing all sorts of probability and odds but I’m particularly interested in learning the chances of that little event happening.

So there I am.  Two tables in front of me, podcast going in my ear and at any point Grandpa could call for help.  Luckily for me he didn’t call in the forty-five minute ordeal.  But grandma did come home half way through with a whole bunch of instructions for the next few days.  I think I can safely say I ran the gauntlet last night.  Now I’m one of those people who thrive on a constant stream of information but I think that I had reached my limit right then and there.  I suppose one might ask why I didn’t just pause the Non-Prophets, or forfeit the 6-man game and to be honest I really wish i had done either of those.  I guess I was presented with a challenge and (blindly) took it head on.

Needless to say that I didn’t win either game.  I busted out in 4th place in the 6-man which is a shame because had I been paying more attention I’m certain I could have stolen more pots and gamed my opponents more.  The 32-man I did somewhat better.  In that one I place 9th.  Fortunately I was able to win a couple of big coin-flip hands (where both players have about equal chances) early in the match so I was able to coast my way up the ladder and on to the final table.

I didn’t get a screen shot of the lobby information.  I think I was too mentally exhausted to remember to do so.

My idea is for a new library in the spirit of the one at Alexandria. A library that holds knowledge free to anyone seeking it. But the problem with physical buildings is that a person can only access what is inside if he or she is standing inside. Fortunately the solution has already presented itself in the form of the internet. If a person were to make a web site and fill it with the great academic works of our time, then proclaim it free to us for all, can you imagine the impact on the world?

Unfortunately for me, I don’t have the resources for such a huge undertaking. But I’ve been wondering; If I were to apply for the Pepsi Refresh Project, would you be willing to support me?

Beyond a doubt, the most rogue element about life hast to be other people. Everything else tends to stick to some set of rules and because of this they tend to be more or less predictable. People, however, have no such hardwired set of rules. one could spend all afternoon on a bench at a mall just watching people do their own thing and never be able to wrap up all of humanity in a single, elegant statement like a Physicist could define nature in a single elegant equation.

And yet, if a couple of people sit down over a cup of coffee for a long enough period of time, on a regular basis, eventually the two will know each other well enough that they will start finishing each others sentences and knowing what the other is thinking with incredible accuracy.

It doesn’t matter that we share an interest in nursing.

It doesn’t matter that we both love to read nonstop.

It doesn’t matter that we come from simular backgrounds.

The only thing that matters is that I am an Atheist.  And because of that one fact, everything else moot.

Yet despite your response today, I still like you and want to know you better.

-The Lonely  Beatnik